Smile...

“Smile is contagious, it starts an epidemic”

True, when you smile the people seeing your big bright smile would also be smiling back at you. A simple smile can make a gloomy day bright. But what is the significance of smile to a person?

Based on my own experience, smile has been my mask, my costume. It hides all my pains so that others wouldn’t see them. I hate it when people approach me and ask if they could do anything to help. I feel like I’m so weak, so inferior, so low and dependent. That’s why instead of showing them my true colours I show them that I’m fine. It doesn’t actually mean that we’re escaping from reality as my high-school teacher told me. We are just trying to set our problems aside to be able to look for a solution.

But, in my case, am I really looking for a solution? I don’t know really. I’m not sure if that’s what I’m doing. I believe I am just using it as a shield, not as a temporary costume. I say a shield because I just use it to protect my true self from other people’s concern. In contrast with a temporary costume, if that would be the case then I could easily change it into something else and everybody can see that change, and I’m not closing myself from other people’s concern.

I know it’s quite weird. I don’t even know why this has become of me. But there’s one thing I know I don’t need to hide. That is, that I’m never going to be smiling because of personal pleasure, only for either hiding my endless negativity or being able to make others happy.