Nope. You definitely read the title right. It’s back ‘to’
and not ‘from’ the dead. Because that tiny heart I thought was beating has died
once again. It just stopped…figuratively, of course.
How should I say this? Well, the wonderful feeling
that started blooming within me just ceased to grow any further. The seed I
planted and expected to bear fruit stopped midway. It is starting to wither and
die. Probably, it was just the wrong moment. It was like planting a seed as the
cold season of winter arrives. The cool wind and the frozen earth will not make
things work. The seedling may thrive to survive, but it will soon find out that
the sun has abandoned it for a whole season leaving it helpless amidst the
white-coated land.
The seed I planted never bore fruit. Even before it
grew flowers, the winter chill has frozen all hopes for its survival. It felt
awkward because I never foresaw that winter was coming. I’m probably not mindful
of the right moment, focusing more on the fruit I would want this seed to bear
someday. Yes, I shall admit that what I did was somehow selfish. But there was
a strong gut feeling that I should have really planted that seed as soon as I
see fertile soil. Lesson learned; I should try looking at the signs of the
times more than the future harvest I aspire for.
They say time is of the essence, and I dared not
listen to that old saying. And now, I feel ashamed of being too hasty in
deciding to go for what I wanted – for the first time in my life. I have always
been the person who waits patiently for things I want. Then the first time I
tried to do away with my usual routine, I fell in a trap. Maybe it is also a
wakeup call to me that I should just stay as I am; stop taking risks as they
will only leave me scarred.
… … …
I guess it’s time for this farmer to leave the little
plant he once believed will grow into a wonderful tree that will bear the
sweetest fruit there is in the world, and just look for something to keep his
hands warm during this cold season of winter.
