Endless August

So far, this has been the longest August of my entire life, probably because I don’t do much every day. There is really nothing to do at all but to be stuck at home and be bored. That is why I have all the time in the world to blog about how bored I am as August passes by.

Weird enough, for five years it is every August that I seem to forget what time of the year it is. I spend most of my August days just doing whatever but not really remembering exact dates. I don’t hate August, mind you, but it has been this way for five years.

Five years, five Augusts. It’s not that I totally forgot that after July comes August which precedes September. But it is definitely weird that every time this month comes, it seems to be a big blur to me, and yet it is still seemingly the longest month during these past years.

I could not sleep last night even though I wanted to so I resorted to stay lying on my bed staring at the ceiling and thinking of the things that bother me during the day. The moment finally came when I realized why August bothers me too much. A painful memory five years ago, which led my subconscious mind to create its own defense mechanism as this month comes.

The sixteenth seemed to be the very root of all this. Although I could remember that moment as clear as crystal, my mind kept hiding the whole month from me so as not to inflict any pain to my heart. Then I realized I really hated this month after all.

Something like that, it was probably the saddest thing to ever happen to anyone’s life. But I’m thankful that those things happen. They make us stronger and make us more adept in living life. I was finally able to sleep after thinking about it for more than two hours.

I guess, after realizing such things, we become more alive. Things such as that can teach us how to be better persons and how to live our lives better.

…

But still, after all those thinking I had done last night, I’m still unemployed. That’s the saddest part of my long long August this year.