The Blame Game

Sure, let's play this game. Just a reminder though, whoever wins or whatever happens, it will be your loss and not mine.

Sometimes we encounter people who are okay when they are in a good mood then suddenly shuns the whole world when they feel bad. They feel like they are the center of the universe; that when they don't feel good about something — or someone — everyone else should never be happy. It would've been easy to just shrug it off if they were children. But, lo and behold, in the age when we suppose one has already matured — especially when it comes to dealing with people — they still lack the emotional quotient of a well and healthy adult to actually keep good relationships with other people, whether it be professional, intimate or casual.

When people start blaming you for petite things or matters that should never be taken seriously (because they're too damn petite!) I believe you should just ignore it. The mere fact that these people take offense from things which are not even offensive means that they should not be considered as people worth wasting your time with. Heck, they can't even tell whether you're telling a joke or a sarcastic remark.

In my twenty-three years of existence, I have learned from the various people I met how to handle each unique person. I have also learned how to hone friendships that will last a lifetime. I believe I have a very small circle of friends who will always have my back and vice-versa. And I have kept more friends who I can surely trust even though we're far apart. Seriously, I don't think I have the time to waste on people who cannot take a simple joke (which might not even be directed to them). If we cannot laugh at each other without getting offended, then I guess you're off the list.

So yeah, sure! Blame me for stupid and petite things — which did not even concern you in the first place. Just keep thinking that the world revolves around you. Soon enough, you'll figure out that it doesn't...and I assure you, it would be a big slap in the face. Life's a b--ch. Deal with it.

Likes And Un-likes

It's funny how you find a person likable but you do not feel any romantic feelings toward this person. And then there are people who you find really annoying but when something unpleasant happens to them you can't help but be concerned.

My emotions have been stirred once more — unfortunately. I met someone who I found quite interesting but this person seems to start getting on my nerves. This person is quite indecisive and finicky. Also, this person asks for advice but never follows them. Always looking at "how about me?" than the bigger picture. Cannot even answer a simple yes-or-no question straight. Decides to stop doing certain things but keeps on doing them. It's just too much for me to manage.

I don't exactly understand what goes on in the minds of such people. Why would they ask for advice which they will never follow? When you ask them what they want, they will just throw the question back at you to hear what you would say. If your answer doesn't match their taste they'll give excuses; if you reply the opposite they would still find an excuse not to accept it.

But the worst part is that you get too concerned for your own good. Honestly, I think it's scary. I couldn't even be that concerned about myself that it's crazy how it is possible that I could be so with another person. If I could only find some reason to like the likable other person more than this person then this would not have been too complicated.

I wonder if there is something like "the art of un-liking". If there is I'm definitely going study it so hard I'd un-like that person in one snap of a finger.

This is some serious business I should try to resolve. I honestly did not expect such circumstances to happen, especially that I'm in a foreign land. It was highly unlikely for my emotions to be so suddenly stirred by strangers or people I haven't been with for a long time. But since it's already here, then might as well just face it.

That Feeling… (part II)

I’m not really the type of writer who does follow-ups. Yet I’m writing this because of almost the same issue with the same person. (see here)

… … …

We have not seen nor contacted each other for a long time – or at least since that post happened. I was feeling lucky one day (because it was Peppero Day that time) and so far, that day was really full of fortunate events. Then you suddenly sent me a message. My lucky day went totally demented that moment. I didn’t really know what you were up to. It’s definitely not in your nature to send random “how are you?” messages to people you know. I couldn’t make my mind up if you were just really curious of how I’ve been doing or you were put up to it by [y]our friends. I decided to reply assuming you were not really serious with your question, thus I sent a stupid but concise answer.

I guess you not replying makes it safe for me to say my assumption was right. If someone was really serious with asking someone how they are doing, that person would have reacted on the stupid answer that person would get. Well, that’s just me talking. And yet I feel like I offended you by my response that you just didn’t feel like replying anymore. I really don’t know you that well after all.

If I were convinced by my assumption, I wouldn’t have written this post anyway. I’m totally confused about you. You seem to be annoying and arrogant and very proud whenever we’re together, but what are you really when I’m not around? I guess it was unfortunate for me to not have had the luxury of spending time with you and [y]our friends more. When I was with you guys I felt really isolated anyway. Now, I just feel even more left out. I guess I never really belonged.

… … …

Follow-ups, I think, are good every once in a while. Although they would probably be better if they were done in person, I still think this is a safer outlet of certain issues. Like what I said in an older post, I’m not really into social norms so I’d rather not talk to you about such mundane issues – at least that’s what I think you would think of these things. At the end of the day, I’d still be the one with bigger dilemmas and not you.

Is It Really That Mundane?

Ok so I’m writing this for the sake of someone who doesn’t really know me quite well but seems to be someone I can be good friends with. So for you, read this carefully so you would understand my side. And don’t judge me! :P

… … …

I am the type of person who has a really small personal space. Probably it is because I am touchy and I like hugging friends. But I have an issue when it comes to my hair. My vanity is one thing, but there’s another thing that, for a third-person’s point of view, would seem very mundane and silly.

To make it simple, I have an issue with someone petting my head. You see, this act – for me – has a deeper meaning as to what it ordinarily looks like for other people. Before, I tend to pet girls’ heads to show affection, but I only do that to girls who are smaller than me. I also do that to kids because I like kids. But there was a time that I realized how I never really liked it when someone does that to me, especially if this someone isn’t close to me yet. So I stopped doing that to everyone…except for kids, because they’re just so cute. :3

You see, based on my life story, I only allow a very few people to pet me on the head namely my dad, my sister, my high school soul brother, and one of my good friends from my org. The common thing they have as to why only they can do that to me is that they have a certain authority over me. In a more dramatic sense, I succumb to thee.

… … …

I am very protective with my hair. That’s why not everyone can pet me. But due to some recent events, I just had to be petted on the head by someone who is not really a close friend of mine. Certain people thought it was a pathetic issue, it wasn’t a big deal whatsoever. The thing is, I have a tendency to become a bit submissive to the person who does that to me. The issue there is that if it’s someone who doesn’t naturally have authority over me or probably I’m the one in authority, everything would definitely turn around. That was why I felt a bit awkward back then when we left for dinner. I felt like someone invaded that tinee-tiny personal space I allot to myself.

Someone said I looked rather ‘cute’ than annoyed by that event. But honestly, that is always how I am when I’m annoyed. Ok, so I am a bit childish…ok, not a bit, I am childish. But hey, that’s not my fault anymore. You got a problem with that huh? >:|

So, there. I guess if you see any awkward moments or any changes in the way I treat that person, you would now understand why. I can’t believe I’m actually explaining this again but hey, you made me do it. :P

That Feeling…

We seldom act based on what we think is right. We usually are impulsive when it comes to our decisions. That is why we easily say things, often bad ones, when we are angry. In the end, we are the ones who would regret them. Which is why we have the saying “think before you speak,” that serves as a reminder to us that saying things when one is in an irrational state only makes matters worse.

… … …

Have you ever felt that certain feeling when your blood suddenly stopped flowing to your fingers when you try to press the send/post button during a virtual conversation? It’s just awkward when that happens because it seems like our own body is telling us to stop what we are about to do. It’s as if our body has its own precautionary mechanism when we tend to act faster than think. But in the end, we do it anyway.

… … …

Why am I writing this post? It’s because of you. How I hate the fact that even though you annoy me, you’re still one of the few people I know I can trust. Please, just stop being so annoying and start acting like I’m someone you know, not someone you would bully for the rest of your life. Just shut the f*k up if you have nothing relevant to say. Stop all these nonsense. I’m trying not to care as much as possible but you are just that person who won’t really stop bugging me, aren’t you? If only you didn’t do that you would’ve been the one to whom I shared my secret because you’re the closest person I know there who would help me out. But then again, you gave me a reason not to. So I just had to tell it to someone else…and be stuck in this state where I am still annoyed at you. Still, I replied to you even though my blood stopped running to my fingers. I patiently waited for your reply. But no. I greeted you the following day, but still nothing. Made me hate you even more. You never really know what a simple reply could do. One word, and it all made the difference. Now I hate you, I really do, but knowing me – someone who never hates the person per se but rather the act done to me – I’m probably just saying this. Just empty words. Because in fact, I don’t hate you at all. I still believe in you, that you are someone I can trust. Best hope my judgment wasn’t wrong.

… … …

There’s this awkward feeling when you get a mini-heart attack after realizing you shouldn’t have done what you did or said what you just said. That is the most annoying feeling in the world because it feels like I’m regretting what I just did or said. Things like that happen when our actions and/or words are faster than our thoughts. Before we thoroughly and carefully think about how to react on certain situations, we just realize in the end that we already reacted. We are really impulsive creatures. We are more instinctive than rational during fight-or-flight situations. I believe we should always be reminded that we have our own limits and we need not let anyone push us beyond that point. Well, unless they want to be slashed by our sword-like words or get an instant black-eye, then just let them be.

The Bad Guy

Ok, I’ve been trying very hard lately to be a good person. I wanted to have a better relationship with the family I once felt was unappreciative and unnecessary. But I just have had it!

I know I shouldn’t be ranting like this. But there’s no other way for me to sublime this negativity trying to burst out of my insides. What I hate the most is when someone makes me feel unwanted, inferior, and stupid. I already know that so there is definitely no need to rub it in too much, okay?

Excuse me, but please consider yourself first before you judge me. You don’t know me much however you want to pretend you do. In this case, I don’t think blood is thicker than water. I believe you're suffering from what we call ‘hypocrisy.’ I know this word is too harsh, and that I might regret in the future saying it, but yeah, I’m seeing a hypocrite in our midst.

Oh please! Enough with the drama! Nobody’s calling you the kontrabida or the ‘bad guy’ of our lives except you, yourself. Can you not hear what you say and observe what you do? That’s why I just can’t shut my mouth up because I’m hurting. But you don’t know that, do you? Of course not, because you DO NOT know me.

I hate to be like this. I wanted to change. But if the other party involved wouldn’t cooperate, then I have no other choice but to stay the same also. I’m fine with what I was, and I guess not changing anymore would be good for me, too.

… … …

I just have to blurt that out. I’m sorry to my readers (if I have any) for this one big rant of a post. I just don’t want to explode in front of everyone I’m with right now. So yeah, there I go. Breathe in, breathe out.