the White Cab

ok, it's not that i hate cabs or taxis or anything. it's just really annoying because i have this experience, which i suppose most of us had, over and over again.

there are some cab drivers who "choose" whom to give a ride instead of giving their service to anyone who is willing to pay more than enough just to get to their destination. this is especially true during nighttime. i guess it's because most cabs already earned "enough" for them that they have the guts to reject passengers. yeah it's quite rude. i mean isn't it their JOB to give passengers the ride to their destinations? i mean that's what they are supposed to do. i do not intend to offend them in anyway, because i honestly believe that not all of the cab drivers are like that.

ok, so i'm starting to rant big time. well, i didn't want that to happen but it's just really annoying. i know there are a lot of other people there who knows and understands how i feel.

i do hope that next time i get a cab, i'll be riding one who hasn't got the grinch's version of christmas spirit.

HEROES: ARE YOU ONE?

AUGUST 21, 2009 6-9pm @ De La Salle - College of Saint Benilde - School of Design and Arts Building Cafeteria... SUGARFREE, MAYONAISE, & KJWAN. 150 php tickets. event open for outsiders.. Concert-party event for all! Bands Fa...shion show PARTAEY! Proceeds of this event will be used for funding a Gawad Kalinga House Painting project.

Smile...

“Smile is contagious, it starts an epidemic”

True, when you smile the people seeing your big bright smile would also be smiling back at you. A simple smile can make a gloomy day bright. But what is the significance of smile to a person?

Based on my own experience, smile has been my mask, my costume. It hides all my pains so that others wouldn’t see them. I hate it when people approach me and ask if they could do anything to help. I feel like I’m so weak, so inferior, so low and dependent. That’s why instead of showing them my true colours I show them that I’m fine. It doesn’t actually mean that we’re escaping from reality as my high-school teacher told me. We are just trying to set our problems aside to be able to look for a solution.

But, in my case, am I really looking for a solution? I don’t know really. I’m not sure if that’s what I’m doing. I believe I am just using it as a shield, not as a temporary costume. I say a shield because I just use it to protect my true self from other people’s concern. In contrast with a temporary costume, if that would be the case then I could easily change it into something else and everybody can see that change, and I’m not closing myself from other people’s concern.

I know it’s quite weird. I don’t even know why this has become of me. But there’s one thing I know I don’t need to hide. That is, that I’m never going to be smiling because of personal pleasure, only for either hiding my endless negativity or being able to make others happy.

ako ay...

ngiti ang bumabalot sa mukha. sigla ang ibinibigay ng huwad na kasiyahan.

ang tunay na mukha at damdamin, nakakubli sa ilalim ng maskara upang hindi na maungkat pa ang sugat na matagal nang naghilom ngunit nagsisimula muling dumugo.

sa makatuwid, isa lamang huwad na katotohanan ang ipinakikita sa iba. isang maskarang matagal nang itinatago ang tunay na hinagpis at hinanakit na nadarama. isang huwad na mukha na siyang nagkukubli sa mga sikretong nais na ibaon sa limot ngunit hindi magawa-gawa.

maaari ngang hibang na. maaari ngang wala nang katinuang taglay. marahil ay hindi na nanaisin pang bumalik sa dating buhay na tulad sa isang bata: walang inaalala, tunay ang saya, tapat ang mukha sa ipinapakita.

ako ay totoo at huwad, isang maskara at isang tunay na mukha.siyang tunay na huwad at huwad na tunay. isang totoong manloloko at manlolokong totoo. hibang na kung hibang, basta ang alam ko, totoo ako bilang isang huwad, at itinatago ko ang pagiging tapat ko.

"does a pretender become true if he stops pretending, or is he true if he keeps on pretending?"

want you back...

things are clearer for me now.

i want YOU back.

as in the song "whatever i said, whatever i did, i didn't mean it. i just want you back for good..."

i just want to know if you love me too. but that's impossible to happen.

i'm satisfied with the way we are right now. we're good friends.

i'm plainly afraid of what might happen. by the time i tell you how i feel, you might turn away. i can't imagine a "me" without "you".

my heart beats only for you.

yes, i am a coward. but it's hard to change me. that's the way i am. afraid to lose whom i feel very deeply for.

i'm hating myself for hurting you and my heart. i bleed for you. i love you. i STILL love YOU!

i think it's high time for me to tell you that anyway. it's doing myself a favor. i want to release all of these excessive emotions. i want to explode! but i do wish i would soon find the courage to tell you....

that....

I LOVE YOU SINCE THEN 'TIL NOW!