I Survived!!!

This is not just another weekend for me. Now that I’m finally – finally! – working, I remember how liberating weekends are again. My first week at work has gone so fast but I must say it passed me by smoothly. I started working last Tuesday although I already met my officemates before (due to a team-building activity). So I was a bit comfortable working with them even though I just started.

My second day was fun, although I was a bit nervous during the afternoon because I was left alone at our desk. I felt the need to figure things out quickly so when tomorrow came, I’d be ready. I’d say I did fairly well during my first week.

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I guess this is what people mean when they say ‘you enjoy your work.’ You see yourself celebrate certain moments with them in the long term. When you learn about certain events, you think of inviting them to go with you. Simply put, you are involving them in your life-plans.

Honestly, I never imagined my work to be this comfortable. It feels as if I’ve been there for quite some time now. I already know the people somehow; we eat lunch together, we buy snacks together, I ask them for help and they help me out; it’s all good.

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I just felt the urge to tell how comfortable I am at work. And also share to my small world that I can feel the essence of weekends again since I am already working. Haha!

Happy weekend to everyone! ^^

Mood Swings

Wake up then see the wonderful blue sky. Look out the window and witness as the clouds pass by amidst the blue blue sky. Waking up in this situation makes the heart skip a beat. It makes all of the expectations for this day to be positive. It gives an optimistic perspective towards the hours yet to come.

Greet people. Wonder what to tell them to share the beauty of the day. Wait for their response and keep the mood light. Watch a series and eat breakfast. Imagine drinking milk – just imagine because there is no more. Try out new things like drinking coffee. But then decide not to anymore because it will just cause palpitation and an upset stomach. Hence, just leave things be. Just sit, eat and watch just like before.

Finish an episode. Keep it in your mind and feel how light everything seems to be. Everything is just right. Things happen. And this is just supposed to be as right as it is. Wash the plates left at the sink. Check the phone. Things happen. Yes, they do happen.

Open the messages. Smile when there are greetings and thanks. Read the last message and feel how all of the good vibes get crushed. Things happen, oh yes, they definitely do.

Watch the next episode. Sit in front of the screen and just wonder how things happen. But hey! They really do happen. Eat lunch and drink water. Laugh at the funny scenes. Be amazed by the weird characters. Just stay focused on what is being watched. Finish another episode. Think about things. Because things do happen.

Open the music player. Just play the songs. Then listen to them. Finally, feel them. Feel them to the very core of the bones.  Dance and feel the rhythm. Sweat it all out. Just feel it until it feels right again. Stop and breathe. Look at the sky, the wonderful blue sky. Remember how it all began when waking up earlier. The blue sky stained by the white clouds. Look at that empty blue space and understand how beautiful and marvelous it is. Close the eyes and breathe. Open them and see white fluffy clouds back amidst the sky. Things happen just like that.

Breathe deeply. Sit down and think. Think of nothing whatsoever. Wait for people to show up. Sit down properly and just keep listening to music. Stop feeling them. And start feeling the wind and the sun. Just feel them and just be.

People come in. Share some space. Feel the cold water from the shower. Look at the sky, yes that blue blue sky. Be captivated by its marvel and majesty. Imagine how good it will be floating at that sky. Keep things silent. Do not speak, just share that space. Stop the feeling of awkwardness as it tries to fill the body up. Sit down and listen to music. Listen and stop feeling them. Just remember that waking moment when the sky was wonderful and blue and things were light and easy. Because believe me, things really do happen. And there is nothing that can be done but to accept and move on.

That Feeling… (part II)

I’m not really the type of writer who does follow-ups. Yet I’m writing this because of almost the same issue with the same person. (see here)

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We have not seen nor contacted each other for a long time – or at least since that post happened. I was feeling lucky one day (because it was Peppero Day that time) and so far, that day was really full of fortunate events. Then you suddenly sent me a message. My lucky day went totally demented that moment. I didn’t really know what you were up to. It’s definitely not in your nature to send random “how are you?” messages to people you know. I couldn’t make my mind up if you were just really curious of how I’ve been doing or you were put up to it by [y]our friends. I decided to reply assuming you were not really serious with your question, thus I sent a stupid but concise answer.

I guess you not replying makes it safe for me to say my assumption was right. If someone was really serious with asking someone how they are doing, that person would have reacted on the stupid answer that person would get. Well, that’s just me talking. And yet I feel like I offended you by my response that you just didn’t feel like replying anymore. I really don’t know you that well after all.

If I were convinced by my assumption, I wouldn’t have written this post anyway. I’m totally confused about you. You seem to be annoying and arrogant and very proud whenever we’re together, but what are you really when I’m not around? I guess it was unfortunate for me to not have had the luxury of spending time with you and [y]our friends more. When I was with you guys I felt really isolated anyway. Now, I just feel even more left out. I guess I never really belonged.

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Follow-ups, I think, are good every once in a while. Although they would probably be better if they were done in person, I still think this is a safer outlet of certain issues. Like what I said in an older post, I’m not really into social norms so I’d rather not talk to you about such mundane issues – at least that’s what I think you would think of these things. At the end of the day, I’d still be the one with bigger dilemmas and not you.